we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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