tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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