Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
