Rock
Scissors
Fuck
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
