She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
