i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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