Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
