I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
