and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
