I looked at my own cervix.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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