At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize