Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
