Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
