pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
