You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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