do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
