i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
im on a boat
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