i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
