so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
