i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
