i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
