My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
