Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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