dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
