Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
