I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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