Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
it's like iHOP with fire
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize