I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
