I wannas sexs uuuuu
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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