I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
