I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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