my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
