Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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