my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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