he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
