Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
