$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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