dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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