happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
