Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
