Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize