If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
