does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
