cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
