Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
