Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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