Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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