just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm like, not good at living.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
