We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
