Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
