Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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