I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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