I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
