your parents love me but you hate me
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
either way he was missing a nipple.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
