dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
