Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
