Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
