Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you guys were way drunker than both of me
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Your penis caused this!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize