i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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