I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
