my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
