I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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