alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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