apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Blood and glitter go together right?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
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