Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
