quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Randomize
