ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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