i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
