I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
