I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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