my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
