Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
