you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
