i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize