I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
