So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
