please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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