i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
