we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
