I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
