I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
