It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
