Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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