two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
