i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So many bounce houses so little time
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
