I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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