Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize
