You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
