you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
