fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
