I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
