Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
