dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
