Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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