Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
