We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
