I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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