No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
