I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
