Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
