so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
