she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
