I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
