I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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