At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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