sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
