Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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