I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
