rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
