So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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