the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
