how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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